FAQs

What do you mean by "healthy polyamory"?

polyamory

the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved

We promise we aren't trying to make this difficult, and we're using the broadest senses of "healthy" and "polyamory" possible. But we'll break it down a little more for you, just in case.

Basics

• at least three (3) people involved
• consent - all parties involved must be willing participants. Simply put, that means no cheating, no coercion or forced relationships or sexual acts, no tricking people into the relationship, no cajoling, etc.
• communication - this goes hand in hand with the above and should be obvious, but in order to be explicit: communication about the relationship or sexual act must be open and honest. Obviously, we don't mean "characters can't lie", but when they lie they shouldn't be attempting to deceive someone about the relationship. For example, Solas can definitely hide that he's Fen'Harel, but he shouldn't be telling Cassandra he's only sleeping with her when he's also sleeping with Iron Bull.

Ship Types

Various Poly Configurations

DA Poly Exchange allows for configurations where all parties are together, as well as configurations where all partners are not shared.

• Shared Partners Example: an Iron Bull/Male Cadash/Dorian Pavus ship, where all three are dating and having sex.
• Unshared Partners Example: Dorian Pavus/Male Trevelyan/Cassandra Pentaghast, where the Male Trevelyan is dating both Dorian and Cassandra, but Dorian and Cassandra have no sexual contact, even though they are aware of the relationships.

Check out a more comprehensive list of possible poly configurations here.

Aromantic Ships

One-time threesomes or situations where a third partner only joins occasionally are allowed. Although this is not a traditional depiction of polyamory and is instead, polysexual, we've decided to allow for it for the below reasons:

• In order to be as inclusive as possible and to make room for OCs who are aro and headcanons around aro characters. Aro characters may not be interested in the trappings of a long-term relationship, but may be interested in having sex with multiple partners or being able to have sex with two partners in an established relationship. As long as all parties are okay with this, we believe this is a valid depiction of healthy polyamory.
• This is an exchange and pieces created are usually one shots, meant to be a small slice of a ship's story. In order to make writing shorter smut pieces easier and not require a lot of backstory, we decided that allowing aromantic ships would take some of the pressure off.
• Sometimes you just want a good threesome fic, and there's nothing wrong with that. Having sex with multiple partners does fall into a broader definition of polyamory.

Asexual Ships

We hope we don't have to say this, but we will just in case. Smut is not a requirement for the exchange! You can certainly write or draw a polycule in which sex is not a factor - which further means we welcome queerplatonic relationships as long as there are three or more partners.

Other Non-traditional Multi-partner Ships

• Arranged marriage AUs where parties take on partners outside of the marriage are allowed as long as there is explicit consent.
• Polygamy is also fine; I mean, this is Thedas and Bioware hasn't explicitly said polygamy is illegal... and further this is fanfic! What is fanfic for if not for living out your fantasies?

A Note On Consent & Dubcon

We are not in the business of policing kinks/fetishes or tropes. Although true noncon/rape will not be allowed for the exchange, we have no issues with consensual non-consent.

Further, dubcon is, by its very nature, dubious; it exists in the grey with the Wardens. If your throuple needs some sex pollen to break the ice, go for it! We only ask that you abide by the rules and follow whatever DNWs are present in your recipient's requests concerning dubcon.

Wait. Can you clarify that dubcon note? You said no coercion!

As mentioned in the note, dubcon is dubious! Not everyone agrees what is dubcon and what isn't. Sex pollen, drunk confessions leading to sex, and Fade shenanigans could all be dubious under the right circumstances or with the right perspective. These sorts of dubcon tropes and themes are fair game for the exchange!

Where we believe things cross into "this probably isn't healthy polyamory" is through things like blackmail, emotional manipulation, or other coercive techniques (i.e. "have a threesome and I won't leave you"). If you have any doubts while writing your prompts/requests or when fulfilling your assignment, feel free to reach out to us and we can talk through things.

The mods of the exchange don't have a moral objection to these themes and absolutely will not judge you; they're just not in scope for the exchange.

How do I participate?

The exchange is being done through AO3. That means you have to have an AO3 account to sign-up or give treats. If you do not have an AO3 account and would like one, the mods have invites available! Please feel free to reach out to us for an invite.

What are the requirements for the exchange?

All participants who sign-up must create either a fanfic or fanart gift in the allotted time period for their assigned recipient. In exchange, they will receive a fanfic or fanart gift which matches their requests. Other closely related fanworks (animations, gifs, etc) may also be allowed as main gifts. Please reach out to us if you plan to gift one of these before you start your work!

Gifts do not have to follow a requestor's prompt exactly, but should match the requested ships and avoid their do not wants. For more information on do not wants, please see the Do Not Want FAQ.

Details

• Fanfic
  • Assigned fics should be at least 1000 words. (We do allow shorter treats! More on those below.) There is no maximum word count.
  • Multi-chapter fics are allowed but must be completed when submitted; you cannot plan to post updates after the exchange has ended.
  • Fics may be included in another series or collection; however, please make sure any fic gifted can stand on its own. Your gift recipient shouldn't have to read your 150,000 word slowburn fic to be able to enjoy their gift!
    

    Note: Please be sure to add any series or collections which could identify you after creator reveals.

• Fanart
  • completed, clean line art. Color and rendering are not required, but the piece must look finished and whole with identifiable characters.
  • No WIPs are allowed.
  • Artists, please check out this faq on artist anonymity.
• Works should not contain any content generated by AI.
• All works should be allowed to be hosted on AO3.
• All works should comply with the requester's do not wants.
• Smut is allowed (nay, encouraged!) as long as it doesn't contain a DNW in the request.
• All works should be rated and tagged appropriately.
• You must comment on gifts you receive with a comment that's at least one complete sentence. Leaving comments can be difficult, so gif responses and memes are okay, but if you use those, please also add a few words to thank your gifter for their hard work!
• If you create some other type of fan content (vids, gifs, rotoscopes, etc) and would like to participate, please reach out to the mods via tumblr, Discord, or email. We'll make sure that your content can be hosted on AO3, and if so, let you know what your minimum requirements would be for a main gift or if you would need to treat rather than gift a main gift.

What are nominations?

Nominations are where you help the mods create the tags you want to see in the event! Because ship tags may or may not exist and can be formatted in so many different ways, restricting the tags you can use to a tag set helps the mods ensure a higher possibility of matching requests with offers. But we have no way of knowing what you want and just slapping "canonical tags" on the exchange would limit us to already existing tags. Using a Nomination process for our tag set allows us to tailor this exchange.

Each account can nominate up to 20 tags for the exchange.

Nominations are not an agreement to participate in the exchange. They're only an indication of "please give me more content for this tag".

Please be sure to follow nomination guidelines carefully. You can find out more in Tutorials - How to Nominate.

How do I sign up?

Once sign-ups open, start by clicking the Sign-Up Form link to the left or button at the top.

Details

• Minimums: You must have at least 3 requested ships and 3 offered ships to sign up. To complete a minimum sign-up you should place one ship in each of the 3 request and offer sections.
• Maximums: A maximum of 60 ships total may be requested. There is no maximum on your offers.
• For Both Requests and Offers: Please indicate whether you are interested in fanart or fanfic for your main gift. Please also indicate if you are open to treats and what type of treats.
• For Offers: In place of offering specific ships, you may also be brave and offer to create for "Any" ship, by clicking the "Any" button. Because of the way AO3's minimum requirements work, you will need to do this on all three offer boxes.

For detailed instructions, please see Tutorials: How to Sign-Up.

How to Ensure You Get a Match

The easiest way to make sure you get a match is to check the "Any" option for Relationships on Offers in your sign up. The problem with this might be that you aren't comfortable with writing or drawing literally any combination possible. An option that allows you some more control is to keep an eye out on the Requests Spreadsheet that is posted during sign-ups, and offer for a few of the requests that are being made that interest you. You can edit your sign-up after it's submitted up until Sign-Ups close, so be sure to check back frequently.

For detailed instructions, please see Tutorials: How to Sign-Up.

What are Do Not Wants (DNWs)?

Very simply put, it's a list of squicks, triggers, or even just dislikes that you'd rather your gifts and treats not contain. It can be specific ratings, characters, tropes, kinks, themes, etc, particularly ones that aren't banned from the exchange. For example, if you aren't a fan of smut you can list rated E works as a DNW or if you're okay with rated E, but not a fan of works containing pegging, you can simply list pegging.

Your sign-up should avoid listing DNWs which cannot be reasonably enforced. Such DNWs include, but are not limited to:

• DNWs that force your creator into a specific gift or prompt ("DNW: Fics that do not fit my prompts")
• DNWs that add an unfair burden on your creator or make your gift impossible to create ("DNW: Real World AUs or Fics taking place in Thedas (other crossovers/mashup only please!)", "DNW: Anders mentioned by name in my Handers request.")
• Vague DNWs ("DNW: bad people" - does this mean villains? what makes someone bad to you?; "DNW: hardcore BDSM" - what's hardcore to you? further, what's BDSM? 24/7 slave/master dynamics? what about rough sex with no formalized dynamics?; "DNW: non-vanilla sex" - oh boy. IDK what vanilla is to you. Is oral okay? anal? what if it's a gay ship? help!)
• DNWs which pass judgement on the content or people who like it ("DNW: weird kinks", "DNW: problematic AUs")

That said, we understand and agree that it can be impossible to be exhaustive, and we do allow "DNW: kinks other than as requested". This allows you to request specific kinks and potentially avoid landmines of kinks you're not familiar with. We realize some exchanges consider this as unenforceable because "what's a kink"; however, for the purposes of our exchanges, we have decided to take it in the spirit with which it is intended and interpret it as "no sexual content other than what's listed as a request or like". If you have any specific questions about your recipient's DNWs always feel free to contact the mods!

What happens after I sign-up?

Sign-ups close for everyone on Wednesday, September 25, 2024 4:00 PM. The mods will start making matches. If matches are not able to be made, we will reach out to you about potentially editing your requests or offers to help make a match. Please make sure to keep a close eye on your emails or DMs and respond to them ASAP.

When everyone has been matched you will receive an email with your assignment to complete. We hope to have those out (barring any major problems) by Saturday, September 28, 2024 12:00 AM. You can also watch our social media for a post verifying when assignments have been sent.

You have from the time you receive your assignment until Sunday, November 17, 2024 5:00 PM to create and post your work. To post, click the "fulfill" button on your assignment and post your work as normal. That will automatically associate it with the Exchange without any extra work from you. You can create a dummy post with a placeholder for content, titles, descriptions, etc, during this time, but all placeholders MUST make a reasonable effort to be filled by Sunday, November 17, 2024 5:00 PM. That means your content should be in place with tags and description.

From Sunday, November 17, 2024 5:00 PM until Sunday, November 24, 2024 5:00 PM (between when works are due and when they are revealed to the public) you can continue editing your work, adding tags, finalizing your title, and updating your description. This week exists to allow time for extensions, pinch hits, and so the mods will have time to check out the works to make sure they are complete and do not contain DNWs to the best of their ability. If there are any issues, mods will reach out to you to take action ASAP.

When works are revealed on Sunday, November 24, 2024 5:00 PM, you may NOT post about your work on social media or another site (revealing it as your own) yet. During this time you can read and comment on works and make rec lists. Creators can respond to comments and will automatically be marked as "Anonymous".

Creators will be revealed one week after work reveals on Sunday, December 1, 2024 5:00 PM. At this time you can post on other sites revealing which work is your own!

The collection will remain open so Treats can be added at any time. You may always feel free to browse past requests and add a treat!

But I'm an artist, what about artist signatures?

We encourage artists to create two versions of their art for the exchange. The first one should not contain any identifying watermarks or signatures. You may use a watermark that does not contain your username to help protect your work from art theft.

Once creator reveals occur on Sunday, December 1, 2024 5:00 PM, artists are highly encouraged to swap out their unsigned/marked work for one with their signature. Our social media posts that reveals are complete will include a reminder to do so!

What are Treats?

Treats are extra works gifted to participants from people who may or may not have signed up for the exchange. While Treats must meet all other rules and requirements, they have relaxed rules on length and style. Treats should be complete at reveals or (if being added after reveals) when posted.

Details

• Fanfic: Treats should be at least 100 words. Yes! You can submit a drabble treat!
• Fanart: Clean sketches are allowed. You should still be able to tell who the characters are, but finished and polished line art is not required.
• Other Works: Must be complete, whatever that means for your media, and able to be hosted on AO3. If you have questions about that please contact the mods.

See Treats & Treatless FAQ for more information on treats.

I can't complete my assignment. What do I do?

Let a moderator know ASAP, if you don't think you will be able to complete your assignment so that we can look at giving you an extension. There is nothing wrong with needing an extension. To request an extension, please complete the form on Request an Extension or email us at dapolyshipping@gmail.com, but please be sure to include your AO3 username if you are not emailing from the email you registered on AO3.

If you can't complete your assignment at all even with an extension for any reason (also called defaulting) , please let us know before you default on AO3 so that we can find a pinch hitter. We will work to make sure the offer is fulfilled, either by a volunteer or by a moderator.

There is no direct penalty for a one-time default. However, if the creator who is creating for you also happens to default, we will not put up your request for a pinch hit. Participants who are repeat defaulters or who repeatedly miss deadlines may be subject to mod action.

What's a pinch hit and who can complete them?

Pinch hits are requests which need someone other than the original assignee to be completed. They can be completed by moderators or anyone from the community with an AO3 account willing to take on the challenge. You do not currently have to be signed-up to the exchange to claim a pinch hit.

Pinch hits may be needed when a participant:

• alerts the moderators there is no way they will be able to complete their assignment in time
• does not post a gift by a deadline and has not asked for an extension
• does not meet their extension deadline
• receives a gift that does not fulfill the requirements of the exchange

Pinch hits are posted on social media. Pinch hit deadlines are established as they are claimed and may fit outside of the other exchange deadlines.

Works for the exchange will not be revealed until everyone who is eligible has received a gift!

What does this exchange being moderated mean?

Our goal as moderators is to ensure participants receive a gift they're comfortable with receiving for a character or ship they requested. With that goal in mind, that means we do reviews throughout the various steps of the exchange. More specifically:

1. We review tag nominations to make sure they fit our guidelines. Tags which do not fit our guidelines are posted on social media and noted on the nominations spreadsheet so that they can be updated.

2. We review sign-ups. We may send emails asking for clarifications on Do Not Wants, in particular, but also may recommend that you provide OC info or other clarifying information if we think something is very unclear. This is not to police what you're asking for, only to ensure that what you want is clear for anyone looking to create a gift or treat for you.

   note

   You do not have to have Do Not Wants, but please be advised we will email you to ask if you meant not to include them. If you truly have none you can say on your sign up "No Do Not Wants" and we will not email.

   If you are creating for someone and have questions, you can contact the mod team and we will be happy to try to get clarifications or more details for you!

3. We make every effort to match you with someone you can create for. We review AO3's automatic matches to make sure we respect any requests to not match you to specific people or types of requests. Please do note anything essential for us to know in the Additional Info of your offers.

4. We review works for requested ships, Do Not Wants, and other content we may not be sure about. We cannot guarantee we are 100% accurate, but we do try to catch things which you might not want. We will send emails to creators before reaching out to the recipient to see how you might like to handle any questions we have. Our goal here is to preserve the surprise, so our first contact will always be the creator. You can always request we check with the recipient if you would prefer that.

   Other Content We May Not Be Sure about

   You might be wondering what we consider to be "other content we're not sure about" in the item above. There is no possible way for us to list everything that qualifies, but some examples might include:

   • tropes or potentially triggering content that is adjacent to a DNW

     For example, we may confirm if knotting is an acceptable trope to you if you list Omegaverse as a DNW. By the letter of the law, it could be acceptable, but it might not be if you consider it to be a main feature of Omegaverse AUs.

   • unusual, uncommon, or nonstandard (for Dragon Age) AUs

     An AU where a companion is Inquisitor or evil or playing a vastly different role than canon may cause us to question the work.

   • Mashups with other universes

     Mashups (where a fic takes inspiration from another media source) are not crossovers and therefore are allowed. However, they may not be as enjoyable if the recipient is unfamiliar with the other media.

   Remember we will always do our best to work with creators. If you are aware that someone loves the media you used for your mashup (or adjacent ones) because you checked out their AO3 or tumblr; if you verified with them on anon they're okay with a trope that is adjacent to their DNW; if you've had conversations about how much they'd love a certain AU, that's the sort of information we'll be looking for when we email to check in!

Moderators of the exchange do not or cannot:

• promise you will like your gift

  We do our best to make sure a gift you receive does not hit any do not wants, but we cannot ensure that a stranger creates the perfect work for you.

• 100% guarantee a work you receive or that is in the collection will not trigger or squick you

  Again, we do our best to make sure your creator respects your DNWs, but we are human and may miss things. We also cannot ensure that every piece in the collection will suit your tastes.

• enforce unclear or unenforceable Do Not Wants

  For more details see What are Do Not Wants?.

• ensure a participant's age or enforce the request that a minors place sexual content in their DNWs

  The moderators and AO3 have no ability (or legal right) to request a legal ID from a participant or have any way to ensure any ID collected would be legitimate. We must take paticipants at their word that they are over 18. Remember that they will need to click through a warning that they are over 18 or have set their AO3 so that they do not have to click through the warnings. So long as you rate and tag your work appropriately you can't be held responsible for a minor accessing a work they should not, even if it is gifted directly to them.

• force someone to accept your gift or comment

  A recipient may reject your gift at any time for any reason and that is okay. Your work can remain in the collection even if it is no longer attached to your recipient as long as you haven't heard anything from the moderators about it being removed for a specific reason.

  Although we do enforce the commenting rule, we do not monitor preemptively. Please see Help! I didn't get a comment! for more information.

There's a problem with my gift/treat!

First, we're very sorry we missed something on our reviews. If your received gift/treat violates a rule of the exchange (including but not limited to violating your DNWs or not being healthy polyamory), please reach out to a moderator so we can review the situation and decide what action to take before you contact your gifter in comment or any other way. This allows us to approach things as a neutral third party for you.

You are always allowed to reject a gift/treat that meets the requirements of the exchange, but isn't quite what you wanted, even if it doesn't violate your DNWs. Before you do so, we encourage you to reach out to a moderator so we can review the situation.

Please be aware that reaching out to a moderator won't necessarily get anyone in "trouble" or banned from our exchanges! Solutions could be a rewrite, another gift/treat, or a pinch hit to take the place of the other gift. Don't ever be afraid to speak up!

Why hasn't my work been approved?

Approvals for works do take time! As mentioned above, we do at least a minimum review of tags and potentially skim the works, as well.

We also tend to approve in batches, especially early in the exchange, to help make sure that people can't see exactly what they will be getting. Because of this, your work may sit in the collection unapproved for days or weeks if you are very fast at creation. If you haven't heard from us, rest assured there's nothing wrong with your gift, and it will be approved as soon as we have enough works to make it not obvious who is receiving what.

As we get closer to reveals, work approvals do tend to happen sooner rather than later.

By the way, we don't discourage "gift shaking" or "collection shaking" directly, but we do like to make it a challenge for you! We think you, as an adult, are perfectly capable of deciding whether you'd like to shake your gift or not. However, we also don't want to accidentally spoil the surprise for anyone who's trying to keep things a surprise for themselves.

Help! I didn't get a comment!

Although commenting on an assignment received is required, the moderators do not go out of their way to track comments; we also do not enforce commenting on any treats received. Commenting is expected to be done on an honor system. The moderators operate this way for two reasons:

1. if participation is very high it is time consuming and overwhelming to review for comments
2. some participants honestly do not care if they receive a comment from their recipient or not

We require commenting on a gift received, because it is good etiquette to comment.

If Creator reveals have happened and you have not received a comment and you would like to hear from your recipient, please email the mod team. We will contact your recipient and ask them to comment. They will be unable to sign up for the next exchange (or possibly any The Hanged Man events) until they comment.

Once they comment it is their responsibility to email the moderators to let them know they have fulfilled their commenting requirements so we can lift the temporary ban.

Please note there may be extenuating circumstances where moderators will waive the commenting requirement and may still allow someone to sign-up, and these circumstances may not be shared with you. The mod team takes participant privacy (including any mod actions they may or may not be subject to) very seriously.

Repeated offenses may lead to harsher punishments.